Your divorce should build your future, not tie you to the past

| Nov 4, 2020 | Family Law |

Many people start planning their divorce with scorched-earth tactics in mind. They are so angry or hurt about the end of their marriage that all they can think about is getting justice or punishing their ex in some way. This kind of approach can give people a short-term sense of emotional validation, but it has long-term consequences as well.

When you file for divorce, the goal shouldn’t be to produce a referendum on the past but rather to set yourself up for a happier, more fulfilling future. Keeping that goal in mind will make it easier for you to prioritize during your divorce.

Some people choose to fight when it makes no sense to do so

The Colorado family courts have specific rules about all of the major considerations in divorce, from alimony to parental rights and responsibilities for children shared by divorcing couples. Although there are rare circumstances, such as a person divorcing someone who is in jail or a family dealing with abuse, where the courts deviate from the standard, most families will see similar outcomes in divorce.

Property division focuses on equitable sharing, while custody is always guided by what would be best for the kids. In the vast majority of cases, that means you will share most of what you acquired during the marriage, as well as responsibility for your children.

Fighting for extreme terms that fall outside of those standards may seem like a way to win in divorce, but it may only result in increased costs with little impact on the outcome.

Don’t just focus on the assets, but rather on the value that they represent

Unless you have young children, the emotional attachment you have to certain property may not be the right focus for your divorce strategy. It is understandable to want to preserve certain assets or routines for your children, possibly by keeping the family home. However, it’s another thing entirely to focus on securing specific assets from the marriage just so your ex can’t have them.

Depriving your ex of certain assets by getting them in the divorce doesn’t necessarily mean that you win. Your goal in property division, other than protecting certain belongings that matter to you, should be to set yourself up with resources for a happier future. Being willing to compromise on what you take in order to maximize the value of your share of the estate can be a worthwhile strategy.

Talking about your hopes and the reality of divorce in Colorado with an attorney can help you create expectations grounded in reality and can guide you toward a better future after your divorce.

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